-Yes, it breaks my heart that at one point, someone else had yours.
I feel like you could never love me more than any of your exes. I feel as though I’m just not good enough. Like I don’t deserve you. It hurts all the time, but letting you go would hurt more.
-Yes, I’m so insecure as to not believe in you or your love for me. I mean, it’s complicated. I believe in you sometimes, but it’s very brief and weak. Being hurt so many times, it changed me. It changed me into someone who just can’t bring herself to trust another to not hurt her.
-Yes, I have a difficult time controlling my emotions.
When it comes to you, love is the strongest. But I can assure you, jealously and hatred comes in very close. You have no idea how I feel, when it comes to your exes. I know that either of our pasts shouldn’t get in the way of our present and future. I just don’t know how to control my feelings or emotions. I feel everything. Love, hate, pain, happiness, depression. All of it.
I don’t know where this post is going. Or where it’s ending. I know that I could be happy with you. If I could just allow myself to be open and trusting. But that’s not who I am. I can’t be someone I’m not. I’m trying, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I completely trust this guy, which is a first. I’ve never felt this way before.
and I like (making lunch for) bento boxes. (: I also like watching movies and cuddling in bed. I like to sing and cook. Oh, and I need someone to tolerate my crazy, indecisive ways. (: I’m not too predictable, but I’m not really unpredictable either. You just have to take the time to get to know me. (: I’m loud and spontaneous. Deal with it. I’m on the chubby sides, but I’m slowly learning to love myself. There’s just more of me to love, right? (: I’ve got a past, everyone does. I’m struggling at the moment, but keeping a positive outlook on life has been really helpful as of late. I love my family and friends. <3 Perez, Esguerra, Manithep. <3 They all save me everyday. Thank you, God. You blessed me with their friendship. I’m in love with One Direction. Yes, all five of them. Although, I’ve got a special place in my heart for just Louis. <3 I think that’s enough on me for now. You’ll just have to figure out the rest on your own. (; I can definitely be a bitch, but I’m nice until you give me a reason not to be. Get it? Got it? Good.
I was getting In N Out with Sarah when we heard it playing for the first time. Needless to say, we were fangirling. 99.7 was the station to play it, Strawberry was the deejay, and they played it at 4:11PM on July 21, 2012. <3 Fuck yes. I’m so glad to finally hear it on the radio instead of WMYB. Don’t get me wrong, I love that song, but there are many more One Direction songs out there. <3
I tell the truth in practically everything. Ask me a question and I won’t lie. But I’m weird. No matter how many questions you ask or how deep they may be, you’ll never know the real me. I don’t understand why. Delina is the only one who really knows me. Alex is slowly getting there, but he’s a boy so he’s got it harder. Sorry, otouto, but it’s the truth. I don’t know. Why can’t I be normal?
I’m sitting here in my car alone and I’m thinking about everything that happened today. Right now, I’m waiting for my best friend to finish her talk. She deserves to get this off her chest. She deserves to feel as free as I do right now. I feel completely free of Ruslan. Thank you, Alex Esguerra. I couldn’t have done it without you. I’m so grateful to have someone like you in my life. Let me just say, I have the best guy friend in the entire world. Nobody can compare to this guy. Anyways, I’m almost completely free of Ruslan. I forgot a few things, but those can easily be tossed. I’m basically free. Free of the two and a half years I spent on him. They were a complete waste of time because I don’t think we were ever supposed to be together. We were supposed to be friends. I have a feeling that if we had just stayed friends, things wouldn’t be so messed up and we’d be okay. He’d still be in my life. I wouldn’t hate him (or her) for what happened. Everything would be okay. It’s whatever though. Things happen for a reason. I burned almost everything with some help. It felt amazing. I felt relieved and it had some sense of release to it. I let go of all the pain. It helped me move on completely. I’m stronger. I don’t need him anymore. I can survive without him. Then again, that was always the problem. I’ve always been too independent. I don’t lean on anyone, ever. It’s a trust issue that I have, but I made myself a promise. The next boy to walk into my life will have my complete trust. I will not doubt him the way I doubted Ruslan. He never did anything wrong, but I never trusted him because of my past. That’s what ruined us from the start. I’m just glad to be over it. I’m a lot happier now. I have amazing friends. I love my family. I’m making a future for myself. Things are getting better. I refuse to linger in the past. It’s time I take a step forward.
If I ain’t got you.
I’m in the mood to sing. Thank goodness today is Sunday. :D